My cousin, who’s a freshman in college, excitedly told me, “I’m totally in love with my new roommate!” I was reading a book and without looking up, I replied, “Is she a super scholar so you can copy her notes? Or is she a life expert, taking advantage of you, the lazy one?” My cousin laughed and said, “No, she’s a charming jerk!”
“Charming? And a jerk?” Seeing my puzzled expression, my cousin proudly began to praise her new roommate, whom we’ll call Miss C.
Before Miss C arrived, there were three people in my cousin’s dormitory, one of whom was “easy to get along with” with everyone: if she didn’t want to get up in the morning, she’d have my cousin bring her breakfast; if she didn’t feel like attending an elective class in the afternoon, she’d have my cousin sign in for her; when a package arrived on the weekend, she’d wait for someone to “conveniently” bring it back for her… In addition, borrowing tissues, books, and computers were common occurrences. The most outrageous thing was that she even borrowed toothpaste! Over time, it’s natural for anyone to find her annoying. However, everyone refrained from showing their displeasure due to social niceties.
The second Friday after Miss C’s arrival, the easygoing roommate, as usual, casually used Miss C’s tissues. Miss C walked up to her and said coldly, “Do you understand manners? How can you use my things without my permission?” The roommate was taken aback and retorted, “It’s just two tissues, what’s the big deal?” Miss C replied coldly, “Firstly, you should ask before taking someone else’s belongings; that’s the minimum courtesy. Secondly, we’re not close enough to use each other’s things without permission!”
My cousin, standing by, was also stunned, not only because Miss C said what she had always wanted to say but dared not, and did what she wanted to do but didn’t dare, but also because this seemingly gentle and beautiful girl turned out to be such an “unapproachable” character.
After spending some time with Miss C, my cousin found that she rarely attended class gatherings, and her social circle was small but very stable. People who weren’t close couldn’t get into her circle, and of course, she seldom stepped out of it. She never initiated conversations with strangers, preferring to use Baidu Maps instead of asking for directions; she would use a disdainful look to reject guys’ advances; and when she had to answer questions, she would respond with the minimum necessary, not uttering an extra word!
However, within her own circle, Miss C was actually very active, not only talkative but also extremely interesting. She and her circle members took turns organizing group activities, such as photography contests, debates, hiking, fundraising events… always busy and having a great time.
My cousin asked Miss C in confusion, “You’re actually a very lively person, so why do you always act like ‘keep away from strangers’?” Miss C smiled and said, “Because I can’t be true friends with everyone, just as I won’t be indifferent to everyone. Friends are chosen, not won with cheap smiles.”
For those who are used to taking advantage, the more you give and sacrifice, the more they think, “Oh, I’ve seen it all before”; the more you compromise and give in, the more they think, “Ah, I can keep pushing the boundaries.” For people and things you don’t like, you should clearly refuse; otherwise, your indulgence and compromise will turn into a kind of emotional cancer, gradually consuming your originally fresh, healthy, and happy life, eventually leading you to a rotten existence!
Yes, doing this may make others think you’re “cold” or even suspect you have “social phobia,” but in reality, you just don’t want to deal with them.
Around us, there are two types of people who aren’t afraid to bother others: one type doesn’t follow rules and doesn’t know what boundaries are; the other believes they can afford to. Similarly, there are two types of people who aren’t afraid to offend others: one type has a “who cares” attitude, being selfish and indifferent; the other is strong enough to bear the consequences and believes others can’t provoke them!
So, whether you can bother others and whether you should be afraid of offending them, you need to weigh it yourself. Before becoming sensible, you’d love to display your innocence, kindness, and enthusiasm on your forehead, eager to pour out your heart to every new acquaintance; but after becoming sensible, you’d wish you could write on your face, “I’m cold, unemotional, prone to disappointing people, keep away from strangers.”
You’d rather let new acquaintances think you’re a jerk than play the role of a perfect good person day and night! The advantage of daring to be a jerk is that people will gradually discover one or two strengths from your weaknesses, while constantly playing the good guy will only make people think, “You’re supposed to be good” and “You should help me.”
Therefore, for people and things you like, you should continue to be passionate; for those you don’t like, you should not only be cold but also become a huge iceberg—making them unable to get close!
